BMI: 24,2

I had such an amazing dream last night... Okay, I know that blogging about your dreams is rather sad, but in it I was a supermodel and amazingly skinny. I was strutting down catwalks and everyone was giving me amazing glares. It was absolutely awesome, up to the point when I woke up and realised I was still as fat as ever.

Last night I attempted to eat a "normal" dinner. As in not a tiny portion, but what a normal person would regard a healthy meal. Of course it couldn't go right, as once I got past a certain point I kept shovelling and shovelling and couldn't stop myself at all. I felt sick all night, disgusted with myself and wanting to purge, but I couldn't as my boyfriend had me under strict watch. Today wasn't much better, as I still ate way more than I should have. Not enough to be classified as a binge, but over that amount that will make me purge, which I did just now.

Just what is going on with me? I want to lose weight so badly, yet all I ever do lately is binge on high calorie crap! I can't even get my BMI under 24 and that is damn pathetic. At least I finished work early today and went to town afterwards, so I could buy myself a new notebook that will serve me as a food diary and on-the-go thinspiration. I've seriously got to pull myself together now. The problem is this won't be easy for the next week, as I'm going to see my parents tomorrow and they always try to stuff me with high calorie food. That means there's a lot more purging coming up for eight more days. Yay...